I don’t want to appear needy yet I crave for companionship. I just feel alone. I want to know it feels to have someone beside you. To wake up in the morning, feeling that the bed is not too big. I want to wake up enveloped by strong arms and will be greeted with a smile. That’s how perfect my morning will be.
I’ve been attending countless of job interviews since last month but this is the first time that I felt so nervous about an upcoming interview. Maybe I was not really prepared way back then. This might be the only time that I’ll be preparing. Its actually nerve-wracking, and I hope that I could pass this and finally land a job.
“That person doesn’t know that you thought about them multiple times
throughout the day, and at one point even looked forward to resting your head on the pillow so you could be alone with those pleasant notion.”
I suppose we don’t always think of one specific person. Sometimes it’s things, just, completely random stuff. I’ve gone through random phases where my pre-sleep thoughts include fresh baked cookies, paranormal stuff, what Rashida Jones is doing right that second, what to eat tomorrow, if I should put my dangling foot back on the bed before a monster grabs it and drags me straight to hell – you know, things of that nature. Anyway, I’ll get back on track.
A person must mean a great deal to you if they’ve managed to become the focal point of your thoughts as you lay down to call it a night. That’s a primetime position. In bed, we take those final moments before sleep to reflect on the day and, if we’re lucky enough not to be stressed, we think about important people. The individual who occupies that slot is up for…
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Last Sunday marked its third year. How could I forget something so monumental? It was the first time I confessed my feelings to someone and I was still seventeen when it happened. I am not sure if knew what it means to be really in love back then. I was still naive. But after three years of being in love with the same person, I think at some point I learned something about love and its complexities.
I love him. Everything about him – his grumpiness, his frustrations, his passion, his pain, his desires, his dreams, his past, his present and his future. These things made the person whom I came to love. I am not sure if there’ll come a point that I’ll stop loving him. But as long as I still have the chance, I’ll love him with all I can. Even if this means that I have to sacrifice my happiness. This is e very reason why we’re living apart from each other.
I’ll not worry how long it takes. For loving him and having him in my life is something that I am grateful. He is my inspiration. In all the messes and challenges life has threw upon me, he was the spark of light that guided me; giving me the courage I needed to see what lies ahead at the end of each tunnel. Just like what Beatrice did to Dante. Though I’m still finding my path towards paradise, I’ll be patient and take things one at a time.
Three years isn’t long enough when you love someone wholeheartedly.
The fight is over. I must pack my things and leave.
Here are some of my updates/learnings/tips, four days before I graduate:
1. Finding a job is sooooo hard! As in. Now I can finally understand the feelings of every job seeker. Definitely.
2. Be EXTRA CAREFUL when applying to job postings/openings of recruitment or consulting firms. Most of them offer contractual employment only. (Make sure you’re also familiar with your labor code to prevent being caught in an unfavorable situation.)
3. Be EXTRA PATIENT. Never rush things, such as these. I’m still waiting for other companies to invite me for an interview. (I’m still hoping that it’s nearer to you.)
4. I must know my worth as a future employee. Never settle for less.
5. The love letter I made 5 months ago reached its rightful owner.
6. However, I’m still hoping/expecting for a reply from him.
7. My family, specifically my aunt wants to invite him for my grad dinner. (That’s the most shocking news ever!) The problem is I can’t invite him because we’re still not okay. I guess we’ll never be okay.
8. There’s still no grade at myuste. (The agony of waiting if I am one of the candidate for Latin honors. So for the mean time, I must keep my fingers crossed.)
9. Tomorrow’s the second to the last day that I’ll see my friends because it’s toga day. :(( I’m gonna miss them. 😦
10. I STILL LOVE HIM SO MUCH.
Spent the rest of the day by searching jobs, eating ice cream, playing silly games, answering truth questions and laughing at random things. I never thought that this could happen. Bum life at its finest.
It’s hard to write a good bye letter to someone who said their good byes a long time ago. This might a Pandora’s box for him.
So much feels. I’ll definitely miss everyone and of course UST which has been my home for four years. Time sure flies fast. 🙂
As of the week all I can say is that I’m very tired. Drained of creativity and energy. This is the time of the year when everything needs to be wrapped up and zoomed somewhere else.